Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
