She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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