I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
