So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
