In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm like, not good at living.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
