i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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