Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
