would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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