Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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