she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
