He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
