when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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