DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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