I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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