How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
