Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
