You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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