I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I touched a dick in church today
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
