Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
