Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
