"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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