I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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