My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
