he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My bed smells like the plague
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
