Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
