He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
