Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
