WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
