You don't have asthma, your pregnant
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize