Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
