Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
