You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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