i barfeds in our rink
Banned from zoo.
Again?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
