Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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