I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
