Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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