dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
