did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
