I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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