How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
high people should be assigned attendants
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Randomize
