i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
