I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
