I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sober January is a disaster.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
