Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
