Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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