i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
