piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
