Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
