last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
