i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
