Your mouth is God's brothel.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
