Sober January is a disaster.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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