dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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