One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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