He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
