Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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