goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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