It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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