Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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