im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
