I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Watching her eat just hurts me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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