At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
