Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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