walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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