The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
